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So, it makes sense that knowing God is going to be a significant relationship. He will lead your life according to his love and his desires for your life. You still make decisions. You maintain your free will. He does not take over your life, forcing you to act as he wants. Yet, I found myself deeply impressed by his wisdom, his kindness, and the way God views people and life.

God is not going to take his cues from what society dictates.

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God, who created the universe, doesn't really need society to guide him, does he? I like that. I find that freeing. I had been an atheist. Believing in God, reading the Bible about him, was a major shift in my life. It was monumental, actually. A couple of months after asking Jesus into my life, my closest friend asked me, "Have you noticed a change in your life? You seem to be really listening to me.

I was kind of embarrassed. I mean, here's my closest friend telling me that I was finally acting like a decent human being and listening to her! She was so amazed by what she was noticing in my life, that she decided to ask Jesus into her life also. When I began a relationship with God, I became very aware of his love for me. It really surprised me. Things I would read in the Bible were like personal messages from God to me about how much he loved me.

I grew up thinking God was pretty mad at us, for not measuring up.

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So this was amazing to me - that God loves us. And I guess my emotional need for love was met by God on such a deep level, that I became more of an emotionally secure person. I started thinking more, caring more about other people, than about myself. And evidently I became a better listener and more caring. I also found the racial bigotry I was raised in subsiding.

Being gay, have you ever had a chance to seriously consider Jesus?

Jesus promises us that as we let him teach us and guide us, he says, "you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. If you begin a relationship with Jesus, you might see changes in your attitudes, or hopefulness, or how you view others, or how you spend your time. Only God knows. But as you get to know him, he will impact your life.

Ask anyone who follows Jesus, and they'll tell you how knowing him has affected their life. He tends to give us greater desire to choose his ways. How he does this is unexpected. It isn't like he gives you a new set of commands that you must now follow. This isn't self-effort or you performing for God. And it isn't religious dedication.

It is a relationship, an intimate friendship with God. It is God personally leading you and teaching you about himself, about life. He enters our lives when we invite him in. He affects our lives, from the inside out, at a heart level. Jesus offers you more of life. You know how relationships, jobs, sports, entertainment The satisfaction of it does not keep us full.

And nothing on earth ever will. We have a constant hunger for something that lasts, that's reliable. Jesus said, "I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst.


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When I came to know God, my search ended. I found him to be trustworthy. Your relationship with him is going to look different than anyone else's relationship with him. You are an individual with unique experiences, thoughts, interests, dreams, needs. Read the Gospels and you'll see Jesus relating to individuals A relationship with God is no guarantee that you will be shielded from really hard things in life. You might go through financial stress, serious illness, accidents, earthquakes, relationship heartaches, etc. There is no question that there is suffering in this life.

You can go through it alone. Or you can be certain of God's love, his presence and intimacy, in the midst of it. Here's another caution.

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He might lead you into some really challenging careers, at personal sacrifice, in order to care for others. Most of Jesus' disciples and many of Jesus' followers today have gone through tremendous suffering. For example, Paul was frequently arrested, beaten with rods and whipped, countless times. Once he was nearly stoned to death by an angry mob. He was shipwrecked several times, many days without food, and fleeing for his life, often. Clearly, Jesus' followers didn't live easy lives. Yet Paul, and other believers, remained unshakeably convinced of God's love for them.

Paul writes, "No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. You don't plan your course.

If you are gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, or questioning your sexuality And it's greater than what you could imagine. Jesus said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life. Whatever you've done in your life, Jesus offers you his complete forgiveness. Our sin wasn't merely overlooked. It was paid for, by Jesus on the cross, sacrificing himself in our place. Have you ever had someone sacrifice for you?

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This is what Jesus did to the ultimate degree. He loves you that much. He offers to enter your heart and establish a relationship with you. Would you like to know God?

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I would encourage you to let him into your life, if you haven't already. He says that THIS is the relationship that satisfies us. We never were meant to go through this life without him. Thank you for dying for me and offering me a relationship with you. Once we break the norm, and find comfortability within our own sexuality, everything else is up for debate. Who do we want to be? Who do we want to date? Do we want to get married? Do we want kids? Do we want to be monogamous? Who, if we do meet, we most likely end up sleeping with, and confusing the relationship further.

Revert back to points 1 and 2. As gay men we grow up hiding parts of ourselves because gay still is considered different, and in a lot of places, bad. We feel like we have to hide a part of ourselves everyday for many formative years, which means we are neglecting other parts of ourselves that should be receiving precious energy.

So when we finally do come out, we often confuse this as dealing with our issues, when in fact, this is just the beginning to dealing with what our issues really are. Because we held back from being authentically ourselves for most of our adolescence and the beginning of our adult lives, we get a chance to do it all over when we come out. The cherry on top of all of this, is that this usually happens in a big city, or at least some place bigger than the hometown we grew up in, where excess is welcomed.

The question is, when is enough enough? Gay men are beyond picky, and we feel like we can be because with social media the pool of possibilities feels endless. We are men with egos, and we strive to be the best at everything we do because it was something we learned as closeted children. However, this tends to lead to us having crazy expectations for ourselves, and therefore our mates as well.

Everyone is supposed to look like a model, have an Adonis body, be super successful, like everything we like, and fit the molds we've created that no one can ever actually live up to. Dreamboat is ready. His ego is hurt. Add to the fact that gays often date with the seasons, and half the year is either thought of as warm single, and often slutty season, or as a cold cuddling more relationship based time of the year. We forget that we are still animals, and like our furry friends, our bodies change with the tides and seasons in a very natural way.

However, gay men are quick to use the seasons as an excuse to why we are "allowed" to behave in certain ways. We aren't definitely going to have kids, which is why most heterosexual people start to couple up and settle down. And even today straight couples are waiting longer and longer to have children. However, even when we do couple up, the way in which we operate as couples is quite different than straight couples. Add to the fact that a lot of our friends are single, and it becomes almost more normal to be single in the gay world than in a healthy relationship.

We even joke that gay years are like dog years for relationships. And for better or worse, the second something starts to go sour, we have reminders that there are men everywhere. Our social circles are full of these perpetual bachelors, who appear to enjoy their singledom, and constantly question why we are looking to settle down. We all have a friend or two, who claims to love being single, but through candid conversations it become apparent he isn't addressing his deeper wounds from past loves and life.

These single gay friends come with their own baggage, and will often project that we too need to sow our wild oats. Getting married wasn't an option for our community until very recently, so commitment from a legal standpoint was actually far from a lot of our minds. This in some subconscious way made us less serious when it came to dating. It's easier to just keep reverting back to all the other points that making dating hard than it is to try and work on something with someone we thought we really liked. Dating is hard, being in a couple is hard, but it shouldn't be this hard, right?

We let our minds drift, we make assumptions, and half the time we aren't even communicating how we are feeling with our partners. Yes, not all of us are jealous, or at least to an unhealthy point, but going back to issues of shame and insecurity that stem from our youth, we often have a hard time trusting that we are good enough. From this destructive flaw we then end up projecting our neuroses onto our partners, and find ourselves jealous for no reason.

Even if we are lucky enough to find someone special and start dating, jealousy can creep within the relationship. Mix in a lack of communication, which as men we are more likely to be bad at, and it's a recipe for disaster. While it can feel like dating, and ultimately finding someone amazing is impossible in the gay world, we have to remain optimistic if we really do want to find someone.

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Now more than ever, strong committed gay couples exist in public spheres, which means there are examples of what we can have. We need to stop perpetuating the idea that all the good ones are either taken, straight, or live far away. The language we use when talking about dating needs to be positive and upbeat, and we have to stop confusing proper courting with endless casual sex.