Not long after joining, I was all in. I prayed in my room for hours every day. I spoke in tongues and believed I was slaying demons as I prayed in my spiritual language. I threw out all of my secular music. I went on mission trips to spread the Gospel. I cut out my non-Christian friends. I signed a contract promising that I would protect my virginity for my wedding night. My parents were nominal Christians, but not churchgoers.
I deserved parents who would guide me into the Things of the Lord. They told me that sin could be passed down for generations and that people born into a spiritual legacy — generations of people who were believers — had a leg up on people like me from heathen families. This came at just the right moment, developmentally speaking: I was leaving behind the childhood fantasy that my parents were perfect and coming to the realization that they were actually just winging this whole parenting thing, and that they sucked at it sometimes.
This is a very normal realization for a child, but at the time, it felt irrevocable and huge. Jessa offered to be my spiritual mentor, and I excitedly agreed. I spent many hours in their living room, talking about my hopes and dreams. Jessa stroked her frizzy hair and told me all about the incredible destiny God had for me if I surrendered everything to Him.
I clung to every word she said.
I wanted to be just like her. You are demonic. We ate a meal of corn on the cob, cherries and grilled chicken, on a wooden picnic table a few yards from the water. I pushed the food on my plate around, sulking. I was thinking of ways I could convert them to my faith. Next to us, the river rushed constantly, filling the spaces between words. As the sun set, we played cards by lantern light. I wanted to mention this, but I thought that it would only stir up trouble. My heart hurt thinking about what my Jacob and Jessa were up to that night. I imagined them praying together, or worshipping around a bonfire, or dissecting passages of the Bible around the dinner table.
I longed to be with them. I tried to comfort myself with reassurances that God was both all-powerful and all good and that human suffering was all part of His Plan. But for the first time since I joined the church, those answers came up short. Just 10 days after the fire, I left my hometown to go to a nearby Christian university. I spent that first semester in a fog, trying to make sense of my life. I remember lying on the top bunk in my new dorm room a few weeks into my college career, wondering if my faith made sense anymore, while my roommate used our dorm phone to talk to one of the boys who wanted to date her.
I held still and listened. I watched Snow White on the inch TV screen that somebody had donated to me, under a fort of blankets and pillows on the floor. I allowed myself to be whisked away to a time before.
- aggression toward college dating partners and gay males!
- gay speed dating in los angeles;
- Gay men now earn more than straight men in the US.
- Love Narratively? So do we..
- Gay for Pay Movies Are a Real Problem in Hollywood - them.;
- Urban Dictionary: gay for pay;
A time before the altar calls, before the revivals, before the fire, before the fog. I hid for days in the fantasy of enchanted forests and fairy dust and singing fish, while my peers went to prayer meetings. I stopped trying to read the Bible. None of it made sense anymore. I called Jessa, hoping for a lifeline.
I confided in her that God felt so far away. She asked me if I had been praying and reading the Bible enough. I told her that I often tried, but that it all felt so forced. She wore a scowl on her face, and my stomach filled with dread. The whites of his eyes swelled, and dark blotches of sweat stained his shirt. They told me I had the Spirit of Rebellion. They told me my heart was evil. I tried to push back, but they yelled and told me that God would abandon me if I continued to live in sin. I wish I could say I stood up for myself that night, that I ran out of the room and never came back, but the truth is I stayed.
I stayed for what felt like hours, crying and letting them pray for my sins. I finally drove home in a blur, my body spent. I knew in that moment I had lost my faith. I moved on with my life without much talk about those fiery Jesus years, as if pretending they never happened made it so. It was years before I began to talk about my experiences in the church and process them for what they were: The more distance I had from the church, the more I could see how brainwashed I had been by fundamentalism.
During my teenage years, I lived exactly how Jessa told me to — down to how I dressed and what music I listened to and what friends I was allowed to spend time with and how I spoke and how I approached the world. I believed that by following Jessa and Jacob, I was following God. They had the final word on salvation, eternal life and objective truth. They leveraged my normal human fear of death, and my desire for connection, as power over me. While it hurt at the time, I now look back at their cruelty with gratitude because it was the catalyst for me to claim my freedom.
I ran into an old friend from youth group while visiting my parents for Christmas, and she asked me if I attended church. No, I said, quietly, shifting my weight from one leg to the other as we stood in the produce section of my childhood grocery store. I saw sadness in her eyes. I remembered what it was like to be in that world. For years, I believed that people who walked away from their faith would suffer eternally for it.
I used to judge the backsliders, and now I was one. The words of my pastors that night so many years ago had been seared into my mind: You have the Spirit of Rebellion. Most of them come from those spiritual legacy families that I used to long for. Often, they are the first to break away from generations of religiously devout people.
Some of them have been disowned by their parents, while some are constantly pressured by their family members to come back to the fold, complete with warnings of impending judgment. Compared to their journeys, I had it easy. My rebellion was church. M ichael Bates was caught off guard by a newspaper item he read in late July He and his parents, a retired couple residing in the seaside county of Essex in southeastern England, were being connected to the murder of Italian fashion icon Gianni Versace. Michael, then 44, is a stocky man with close-cropped hair and a tough demeanor.
He runs a business harvesting cockles, an edible mollusk found in the North Sea near where he grew up. He squinted at the paper and continued to read. The newspaper laid out the puzzling circumstances of the case. On July 15, , Versace was leaving his opulent Miami Beach mansion when he was gunned down on his front steps by year-old Andrew Cunanan. Allegedly distraught that a rich benefactor had cut him off, Cunanan embarked on a kill rampage across four states, murdering four people before coming back to Miami and shooting Versace for seemingly no reason.
When police finally tracked him down eight days later, Cunanan led them on a chase, broke into a houseboat, and shot himself. Reineck was a socialite who loved showing off his Sealand passport and was said to have diplomatic plates from Sealand on his car. Located in international waters and technically outside of the control of Britain, or any other nation, the country straddles a line between eccentric experiment and legal entity of uncertain definition.
Formerly called Roughs Tower, Sealand was one of a series of naval forts built seven miles off the coast of southeastern England during the Second World War to shoot down Nazi warplanes. The British government left the forts to the elements following the end of the war, and in the mids a group of enterprising DJs moved in and set up illegal radio stations. The BBC had a monopoly on the airwaves at the time and pirate radio was the only way to get pop music to the masses.
One day while taking the train to work, Roy had a moment in which he realized he was done with the 9-to-5 routine; instead, he wanted to enter the pirate radio fray. Roy decided to set up his station, Radio Essex, on Knock John, one of the naval forts. The forts were a hot commodity, and violent struggles for control of them sometimes broke out between competing stations. A decorated soldier who had once had a grenade explode in his face, Roy stepped up to the occasion and resolutely defended his fort.
If ever there was a true buccaneer, it was Roy. His long-term intention was to turn the fort into some kind of lucrative enterprise, such as an international casino or independent television station. He declared Roughs Tower the Principality of Sealand on September 2, , and installed himself as prince and his wife Joan as princess.
In , Michael and Roy Bates appeared in British court after firing across the bow of a Royal Navy vessel that got too close to the fort. The family elected to stay at the fort after the British government green-lit commercial radio and brought pirate radio to an end, and the Principality of Sealand quickly became the foremost micronation in the world, influencing people on every continent who now claim their bedroom, neighborhood or disputed territory as a country of their own. As they built up the reputation of the concrete-and-metal statelet, the family issued coins, stamps and other trappings of statehood, including passports.
The Sealanders had issued around of them over the years, but only to trusted compatriots, and certainly not, Michael Bates was sure, to anyone who would commit cold-blooded murder. His head was spinning when he finished the article. O n April 4, , a trim, handsome year-old man named Francisco Trujillo Ruiz made a few adjustments to the odds and ends in his office at Paseo de la Castellana, a street in a fashionable part of Madrid, before sitting down to speak with a newspaper reporter.
Trujillo Ruiz jumped up in surprise, and the officers promptly made their way around desks and chairs to where he was standing, boxing him in. He was under arrest, they announced, for allegedly selling more than 2 million gallons of diluted gasoline. Trujillo Ruiz was momentarily nonplussed, but as the police closed in, he pulled out a diplomatic passport and claimed immunity. The police had no right to be there, he said, as they were actually on territory belonging to another country — his office was the Sealandic consulate in Spain.
The passport was superficially quite legit, with a rubber coating and foil-stamped seals, and it gave the officers some pause when considering how to handle the arrest. Far from being a diplomat, Trujillo Ruiz was one of the prime movers and shakers in a gang of scam artists operating throughout the world. At least 20 fake diplomatic passports, hundreds more blank passports, and 2, official documents were seized in the raids, as were two vehicles with Sealand diplomatic license plates that had been escorted through Madrid by Spanish police on more than one occasion.
While the Versace incident in had alarmed them, the Bates family had been oblivious to the extent of the problem with Sealand passports. Michael scratched his chin. Sealand did have a website, but it was in its infancy. The site was how he had left it. He then searched around and turned up a Sealand site with a much more manageable domain name: Lo and behold, it was a website purporting to be the official mouthpiece of Sealand, and one could indeed buy a number of Sealandic documents. Spanish investigators unraveled the web and found that the scams associated with the fake Sealand paperwork involved more than 80 people from all over world.
The scams were impressively wide-ranging: We knew nothing at all about it or the people involved. They intended to sell the arms to Sudan, which was under embargo by many governments of the world for being a terrorist state. How disgusting can you get? Trujillo Ruiz reportedly first learned about Sealand while working in Germany for a man named Friedbert Ley, who had launched his own Sealand fan website in and asked Trujillo Ruiz to set up a Spanish branch office of the Sealandic government.
When confronted by investigators about the fake passports, Trujillo Ruiz conceded that they were made in Germany but said he had been appointed acting head of state by the royal family of Sealand and been given authorization to issue Sealandic passports. Roy Bates was of course fine. The Germans had once visited the younger Trujillo Ruiz in Spain, and they appeared to be a bad influence on him, the father said.
- Confessions From 20 Straight Guys Who Went Gay For Pay?
- best discreet gay dating app?
- Our latest Narratively story isn't available online - we printed the entire thing on a tote bag!?
- "Call Me By Your Name" Is the Latest Gay-for-Pay Oscar Bait!
- Confessions From 20 Straight Guys Who Went Gay For Pay;
- speed dating gay marseille.
I n the early s, Roy Bates had prepared to turn the fort into a much larger ministate with a group of Belgians and Germans who had offered to go into business with him. The Germans were led by Alexander Gottfried Achenbach, said to be a former diamond dealer who was planning on a quiet retirement raising rabbits in Belgium until the Sealand opportunity sucked him back in. The Germans were remarkable busybodies, drawing up a constitution and legal decrees and bombarding embassies all over the world with requests for diplomatic recognition.
Nevertheless, the petitioning continued in earnest and their zeal was infectious. Roy Bates had long intended to make the fort into a profitable business, and the plans he and the Germans cooked up were grandiose. Back in Sealand, however, Michael was working on the fort alone when a helicopter landed.
Out came some of their German associates, who claimed Roy had given them possession of the fort.eaglesflightschoollagos.com/scripts/367/6466.php
Gay For Pay Porn Stars: Are They Really Gay? | HuffPost
Michael was extremely uneasy about the situation — and completely outnumbered. Roy and Joan were similarly uneasy when a friend back in England alerted them that he had seen a helicopter hovering near Sealand. Their sinking feeling was justified. Michael tried to wrench himself free, his hair falling in his eyes as he was dragged into the room and shut behind a steel door. The only possible way out was a porthole window, but it was far too small for an adult to fit through.
Michael was left in the room for three days, keeping himself warm by wrapping himself in a Sealandic flag. Eventually, the captors threw Michael onto a boat, which deposited him in the Netherlands, with no money and no passport. A sympathetic skipper helped him get back to England, where he linked back up with his parents. But Michael explained his ordeal. Holding the Fort. The family quickly decided that the only possible response was to recapture the fort. They gathered some rough-and-tumble friends and a few guns, and enlisted the talents of a pilot friend who had flown helicopters in a James Bond film.
The plan was to fly to the fort, rappel down ropes, and retake the Principality by force. Attacking at dawn, they descended from the sky, fired a single shot from a sawed-off shotgun, and tossed the captors into the brig. A tribunal was established to try the invaders.
Britain shrugged its shoulders when asked to intervene, saying the fort was not on its property. The Germans retreated back home after the failed coup and established the Sealandic government-in-exile, a dark mirror version of the Principality that persists to the present day. T he government-in-exile disavowed any role in the late s Spanish passport scam.
They were arrested when they tried to cross into Italy. The money had in fact come from a gambling enterprise in Poland, but it was an aboveboard operation. Did we recognize these passports or not? For a time in , after Slovenia was briefly caught up in the Bosnian war, many countries refused to recognize our nation.
Achenbach was 79 when he filed the lawsuit in , and he succumbed to old age in the middle of the litigation at age The strange legal and financial quagmire was a fitting final chapter in the life of someone who had spent his whole life involved in dubious ways to get money. Today, however, the Principality does offer a legitimate way to become a citizen of Sealand. The Bates family sells royal titles, an official business whose proceeds go only to funding the honest initiatives of the true Sealandic government. Costs vary: Prince Roy and Princess Joan passed into the next realm in and , respectively, but the country is going strong more than five decades after it was founded.
Michael takes only intermittent trips out to the fort these days, but Sealand is always occupied by at least one armed caretaker, lest any of the events of its bellicose history repeat themselves. The government-in-exile is still going strong as well, led by Prime Minister Johannes W. Seiger since a constitutional amendment transferred power from Achenbach in Seiger asked this writer if I could put him in touch with Donald Trump to help him with his quest, canceling further contact when I was unable to do so.
Fifty years ago, John Trudell overcame tragedy to become the national voice for Native Americans—and a model for a new generation of activists. H e sat at the same table each evening, sometimes with lighting and sometimes without, a cigarette often in hand, a guest always by his side. In the background, the sound of waves rolling against the rocks and the stuttering of a backup generator were constants.
Then, with a crackly yet true radio connection, streaming through the wires from an unthinkable place — Alcatraz Island — he began speaking in a calm, determined voice. The nation was listening. In the Pacifica Radio Archives, located in a modest brick building in North Hollywood, you can hear what hundreds of thousands of Americans heard on those evenings. File through the cassettes and you will find more than a dozen tapes labeled with a single word: Each is followed by a date, anywhere from December to August But these were not simply programs about Alcatraz, that island in the notoriously frigid San Francisco Bay that was home to a federal prison until it closed in Rather, they were broadcast from the former prison building itself, from a small cell without heat and only a lone generator for power rumbling in the background.
By the winter of , Trudell could be found in that austere cell, speaking over the rush of waves in a composed Midwestern accent. Why would the FBI compose its longest dossier about a broadcaster speaking from a rocky island a mile offshore? What was Trudell saying that frightened them so much? Trudell was advocating for Native American self-determination, explaining its moral and political importance to all Americans. On air, he often revealed the innumerable ways the government was violating Native American rights: He imagined a future in which equality — between different American cultures, and between all people and the earth itself — would become a reality.
And for the first time, non—Native American communities were listening. More than , people tuned in to Pacifica stations in California, Texas and New York to hear his weekly broadcast. At just 23 years old, with long brown hair and hanging earrings, Trudell had one thing the FBI could not stop: The organization pointed to the Treaty of Fort Laramie, which provided that all surplus federal land be returned to native tribes. It had been unoccupied since President Kennedy closed the federal prison in By inhabiting the 12 acres of Alcatraz, IOAT hoped to set a precedent for the reclamation of hundreds of thousands of unclaimed acres across the United States.
But there was an obstacle: That all changed on the night of November Under the cover of darkness and a dense blanket of fog, 79 activists from more than 20 tribes sailed from Sausalito across the frigid bay and settled on the island. The Indians have landed! A gathering was held that night at 2 a. Governing teams were also established.
Onshore allies knew the landing had succeeded when they saw a bright yellow Morse code message blinking through the mist: J ohn Trudell was not on those initial voyages. At the time, he had just returned from deployment in Vietnam, enrolled in San Bernardino Valley College, and moved in with his girlfriend, Fenicia Lou Ordonez. When he learned of the landing on Alcatraz, he suggested they join in. Expecting to join for only a few weeks, they packed sleeping bags, headed six hours north, and hitched a ride across the emerald bay on one of the IOAT-operated vessels, many of which were typically used for fishing and shipping.
What was once a treacherous journey with fierce Coast Guard resistance was now readily accessible, but not because the government had become any more benevolent. Fearing a public backlash, federal authorities called off the Coast Guard from intervening in these voyages. Soon after docking on the island, Trudell attended the daily island meeting of IOAT leaders and tribal heads.
He pointed out that if they truly wanted to make a case for the Native American right to reclaim unused land, they urgently needed to reshape the narrative. On his drive to the Bay Area, Trudell had seen national papers like The New York Times and San Francisco Chronicle running stories portraying the occupation as a Native American theft — rather than a reclamation of what was stolen from them. He asked himself: December 26, For the next 30 minutes, Trudell led conversations with Native American activists, spiritualists and students — many of whom were living on the island, visiting as volunteers, or ferrying supplies.
It was called Radio Free Alcatraz , and Trudell typically began episodes by describing challenges on the island. There were many: Alcatraz had shaky electricity, a dearth of clean water, and it was frequently hit by strong offshore storms. And Saturday, we were stranded on the island because of bad weather. Despite these immediate challenges, Trudell — often clad in a wide-collared button-down underneath an emblazoned leather jacket — spoke both with the equanimity of a captain reporting to headquarters and the kindness of a good friend.
In an interview with KPFA host Al Silbowitz in December , Trudell sketched a portrait of life on the island and outlined the purpose of the occupation. This struggle was not unique to this moment. It was experienced daily by native tribes everywhere. We have a chance to unite the American Indian people as they never had the opportunity to do. In a conversation with Al Silbowitz, Trudell explains how the difficult conditions on Alcatraz all too closely resemble life on so many Native American reservations.
The heart of the program was his intimate voice — masterful at revealing the aspirational humanity that defined the movement, while outlining the enduring goal of activists to construct a university and Native American cultural center. Trudell was not just a broadcaster: He was one of the unsung American forefathers of what we now call socially impactful publicity, or strategic communications.
He already knew that for activists to succeed, it was not enough to campaign. They had to shape national consciousness. Trudell opened with a question: Would you explain — what tribe are you with, and where is it at? Jonny raised concerns about the unjust allocation of federal funds to her reservation and revealed the low wages factory workers were receiving at a firearm production plant there. Then the BIA, or Bureau of Indian Affairs, stepped in and determined many of them incompetent to handle their affairs, so they put this money in trust with white people, who got fantastically wealthy.
He relayed stories that showed it, and he had faith that Americans everywhere, having heard these stories, would do the right thing. Oakes, in immense grief, left the island. Marshals might raid the island at any time. But Trudell did not falter. His was a voice of constancy, offering a lighthouse for a movement troubled at sea. Tragedy was not new to Trudell. It was a foundational part of his family history. A few years later, the couple had a daughter, who, after moving to Nebraska, fell in love with a Santee Sioux native, Clifford Trudell. The couple married and had John, born in a hospital close to the reservation in Omaha, on February 15, John grew up on and around the Santee reservation in North Dakota.
The term has also applied to other professions and even companies trying to appeal to a gay demographic. Through the s, mainstream movie and television actors have been more willing to portray homosexuality, as the threat of any backlash against their careers has lessened and society's acceptance of gay and lesbian people has increased. In the gay pornography industry, which uses amateurs as well as professional actors, the term gay-for-pay refers to actors who identify as straight but who engage in same-sex sexual activities for money or sexual gain. Some actors who are actually gay or bisexual will be marketed as straight to appeal to the "allure of the unattainable", because straight men or those newly coming out are virgins to sex with other men ; scholar Camille Paglia declared that "Seduction of straight studs is a highly erotic motif in gay porn"  and anthropologist William Leap has similarly written, "as in most gay male settings, the young, the muscular, and the unfamiliar are more sought.
In gay pornographic movies, actors who identify as straight, but who perform explicit sexual acts with other males, do not face the same stigma as their mainstream acting counterparts and indeed can rise quickly to being featured porn actors. These actors often play the " top " roles but this is not always the case, such as with Kristen Bjorn and some Bel Ami models.
In some cases, a straight porn actor will shift between gay and straight porn to expand opportunities to work. Because some gay men consider heterosexual men to be objects of fantasy, some gay porn producers have almost certainly described some actors as heterosexual to increase sales and publicity for their product.
Some straight actors [ who? Many times a "top" actor will then be sought as a bottom and the debut is often treated as a notable event or even its own release. Male pornographic actors are commonly paid more for homosexual work than heterosexual. There are also more opportunities to become a "star" in gay porn than in straight porn, where the attention is on female performers.
Gay For Pay Porn Stars: Are They Really Gay?
In the sex worker industry, the term may also be applied to straight and bisexual people of either gender including " male escorts " who have sexual contact or scenes with a client or another sex worker of the same gender. Although sexual contact is often involved, sex scenes or solo scenes like masturbating to climax or even a BDSM scene for the client's stimulation can take place. Sexual arousal without direct sexual contact may also occur in such niche trade like muscle worship.
As in porn work, a gay identity is not necessary to make money from gay clients and consumers. Go-go dancing originated in the s and was eventually appropriated by burlesque and striptease establishments, which in turn became known as "go-go bars" but many gay clubs had male go-go dancers called go-go boys during the period — After that, few gay clubs had go-go dancers until a resurgence in the late s when go-go dancing again became fashionable and has remained so ever since. Large circuit parties and gay clubs often have very attractive go-go boys of all sexualities who will allow patrons to touch and rub them but only for tips.
This is typical in Thai venues, such as in Sunee Plaza , Pattaya. The gay community has expressed concerns about the use of straight actors to play gay characters, a practice also nicknamed "gay for pay" in the acting industry. Anna King of Time Out likens "pinkface" to blackface. Pinkface in television advertising has also been compared to blackface; similarly to the way 19th century blackface performances created and affirmed a hierarchical system that presented certain identities as "preferred and privileged", with pinkface ads, LGBT people are portrayed to create "humorous stigmatization" which is "insidious", as "like blackface, pinkface advertisements create a culture that posits the identities of GLBT persons [to a mainly non-GLBT audience] as inferior, inappropriate and ludicrous".
Some pinkface TV ads depict hairy bearded men in drag wearing dresses , with the intent of making fun of and devaluing trans women and present a "campy, stigmatized" depiction of trans people. Gary Nunn of The Guardian , noting that he grew up as a closeted and confused boy, said that while he understands gay people wanting to "redress the balance" of "gay actors hav[ing] been told by Hollywood to stay in the closet if they ever want to play a straight role" and straight white men having more power and influence and access to better jobs than other people, "to demand that only gay actors play gay roles is not the way to correct an inequality.
Gay actors want a diversity of roles just like straight actors do. A term that is derivative of "gay-for-pay" is the partly tongue-in-cheek term "straight-for-pay", which describes gay men who have sex with women for pay. The term was coined to describe the film Shifting Gears: A Bisexual Transmission , due to gay porn stars Cameron Marshall and Blake Riley being featured in heterosexual scenes. Other notable examples of gay porn stars going "straight-for-pay" are Steven Daigle  and Arpad Miklos , the latter of whom received a great deal of criticism for his scene on the site Straight Guys for Gay Eyes SG4GE.
In August , the gay male pornographic website Men. Even so, to say they have to be gay in order to have gay sex is pretty close-minded. Do they really need the money that bad? I definitely think money is the number one driving force behind why these straight men have gay sex on film. Of course it is easy for other people to judge another person's decision to do porn, but the guys I have worked with are doing it for money.
Money to support their kids, their education, pay off a debt, and money just to live. Besides that I do think everyone has his or her price. What would you be willing to do if money wasn't an issue? There definitely are some straight guys that get off on the attention that gay men offer them. Women requite a lot more mental stimulation than gay men do. A straight guy with a hot body would pretty much get attention from 99 percent of the gay population. I say good for them, if you got it flaunt it.
It does not seem these guys are originally in it for the attention, but with time I have noticed that they almost become addicted to the fame of it. I am curious what your opinion is on this rarely discussed topic? I would love to hear from some of the gay-for-pay porn stars out there, as well as more experienced directors and producers, and anyone else who has an opinion. You can comment below or tweet me hammerbrad. Tap here to turn on desktop notifications to get the news sent straight to you. Canada U. US News.